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Growing Old Stinks!
By Tony Snyder | May 10, 2010
As our Baby Boomer generation grows into true “senior citizen” age, we must cast a watchful eye upon a few major concerns. As you might imagine, Alzheimer’s is a very serious, and rapidly growing, disease which impacts cognitive activity. As the elderly lose their thinking, reasoning and memory skills, certain problems arise. Below are just a few aspects that might, if left unaddressed, lead you into probate court.
Cognitive Impairment
What’s the difference between the normal aging process (and all its woes) and someone with the onset of dementia? Your answer has led many parent-adult child debates into probate court. If “mother” forgets her weekly bingo game from time to time, no big deal—right? But what happens when she forgets to take her daily medication? Or lock the front door before going to bed? Is it still just harmless forgetfulness? Is it time for “adult child” to step in and petition the court for guardianship over mother? There is no easy (or right/wrong) answer to these questions. These are the same issues a judge must make decisions on every day.
The key is open and honest communication between mother, adult-child and mother’s primary doctor. Pretending it’s merely “old-timers” and not the onset of Alzheimer’s is a head-in-sand approach. A specialty trained doctor has the ability to test for both common and uncommon diagnoses which will give you a better understanding of what mother might be suffering from, how to slow it, and how to handle long-term problems.
Chicken-Little Approach
On the other hand, don’t be so quick to throw momma into a nursing home. The aging process takes its toll on the mind. As middle age approaches, everything begins to lag behind, as it were. As parents grow older it’s understandable that they will become more forgetful, will be slower to comprehend complex issues, etc. If you take the approach that your parent is showing signs of dementia, when in reality it’s merely old age, you face alienating the parent when true signs of dementia kick in.
Nobody wants to grow old, but accepting the inevitable is just another part of life. If your parent was a person who held positions of authority or influence, don’t be surprised that their willingness to acknowledge dementia will be less than enthusiastic. All their life they were the person in control, they were the one who made things happen—they got things done which needed to be done. There is a fine line between concern for age and concern for their dementia. If you scream that the sky is falling too soon, later attempts when real discussions are needed might fall on deaf ears.
At Risk (Elderly?)
We pump millions of dollars into “at risk youth” programs—but frequently ignore the elderly. Forget the statistics for crimes against the elderly, we hear about credit card scams all the time. I want you to focus in on some legal risks you may not have heard about.
We’ll start with “Annuity Mills”. There are a lot of financial institutions out there whose sole purpose is to talk seniors into annuities and out of thousands of dollars. It’s typically done under the guise of “Medicaid eligibility” and being able to save your estate for your family. Once the seller gets the senior worked up about losing their home and entire life savings to the government for Medicaid reimbursement, the senior quickly turns over thousands (many times, tens of thousands) to invest in annuities, being told the money will be saved as protected against government reimbursement. Now, let’s be clear. This is a legitimate way to invest your money to help avoid Medicaid reimbursement to the state upon your death. However, are you aware through proper Medicare/Medicaid planning, in addition to many exemptions (and your house is one of those) you can avoid reimbursement?
How about this new strategy, as schilled by has-been actors, called reverse mortgages? Again, this is a legitimate option for some seniors, but it’s not necessary for everyone. While a reverse mortgage is legal, big commissions checks make this a prime vessel for financial advisors to earn a “boat load” of money off an unsuspecting person.
New Loves
Once Grandpa passed away, Grandma never thought she’d fall in love again. Why would she? She and Grandpa spent 55 wonderful years together, and Grandma’s not a spring chicken any longer. Then along comes her May-December mate! A gentleman caller who’s the ripe age of 62 (a good two decades between May and December) makes Grandma all smitten.
Grandma feels for him in a way she’d forgotten about. She starts to think about how nice it would be to have someone to read the newspaper with, have dinner with, maybe even go out once and a while. Are her beau’s motives pure? What happens if she marries this fellow after such a brief courtship? She’s not getting any younger. The likelihood of Grandma insisting upon (and even knowing about) a pre-nuptial is slim and what happens if she doesn’t update her estate planning before her death? Was it her intent to leave her kids and grandkids with nothing? What if she had no power of attorney in place? Will the new hubby be making life and death decisions for his elderly wife?
I give you those rhetorical questions primarily to get you to starting thinking about what kinds of conversations you may need to have with your mother/father/grandmother/grandfather in the event he or she meets someone new.
The most lucrative attitude one can make for an attorney, particularly regarding these aforementioned scenario, is “That won’t happen to me/my parent/my family.” The reason: Attorneys make a lot more money being hired to litigate these issues in the courtroom than they do with preparations ahead of time.
How many times must I say this: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!
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